- Just after you report “Redcon 1” (Readiness Condition 1 – ready to move out right “now”) for your qualification run, you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak.
- The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to your tank. Corollary: You will run out of fuel before he returns.
- Tanks don’t float.
- If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and going to the field with his unit, he will ask for a few minutes to “Think it over.”
- Attempting to help recover a mired tank will only result in your tank becoming mired also.
- The primary purpose of an operations order is to ensure that all blame falls on the line units. Corollary: For this reason, the staff will not publish an operations order until after the exercise is completed.
- Night vision devices will only fail at night. Corollary: They will function perfectly once the sun rises.
- The dirtier and more tired you are, the less appreciative you become of “constructive criticism” from somebody in a pristine uniform.
- The heater on your tank will fail in October. The part to repair it will arrive in April.
- No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics will result in an I.V. Corollary: Arguing with the medics about this will result in your being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition to the I.V.).
- When loading the main gun, remember: “pointy end first.”
- The only times you will throw a track (that flexible band of metal and rubber the tank travels on) are: a. At night, b. in the rain, c. during the movement back to garrison, or d. one hour after you installed the new ones.
- Your vehicle will go NMC (Not Mission Capable – deadlined ) right after the contact team leaves the AO (Area of Operations).
- All infantry fighting vehicles don’t look alike.
- Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being hunted by helicopters.
- When you are told your engineer support was needed elsewhere, the bridge will be out.
- The exercise will finish and you’ll get back to garrison just after the wash rack (where tanks are cleaned) closes.
- If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes – the larger ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry. Corollary: The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an anti-tank team setting up.
- “Rebel yells” are not proper FM radio procedure after a successful Table VIII (The tank crew qualification test a 10 engagement run on a tank range which tank crews must successfully complete in order to be a qualified crew. Like going to the rifle range for a qualification of expert) shoot.
- XO math: 3 pacs on the ground + no fueler + 2 deadlines = 100% FMC (Fully Mission Capable).
- Close air support is safest from far away.
- Proving that three feet of frontal armor protection will defend against any threat is probably best demonstrated on someone else”s track.
- Hearing an “Aw, shit” soon after an “on-the-waaay!” means you’re probably not getting that promotion.
- Tanks are very easy to see unless you’re dismounted and they’re backing up.
- The one time you skip the firing circuit test is when you have the misfire.
- “GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER” (firing an anti-tank shell at a sniper) is not an appropriate use of ammunition.
- It is cruel to tell NBC types “Damn, that Fox (NATO chemical/biological/nuclear weapons detection vehicle) looks like a BMP (Russian made armored vehicle used by many countries)!” – particularly when live rounds are being issued.
- Blackout drive + autobahn + 0345 = polizei.
- Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way through a rail tunnel.
- When doing a gunnery, the tank is always operational until you get to the ready line.
- If you are promised “downtime”, what they really mean is: You will be breaking track.
10 thoughts on “Murphy’s Laws of Armor”
Saw that list in Armor Magazine 9 or 10 yrs ago, not even sure if it was original for them. It’s is funny until it happens.
it originated on us.army.mil news group, long ago on Usenet (circa 2001) where a collection of regulars there started a thread on the subject…
someone collected them, submitted it to Armor magazine, and they then published a letter from MSG Campbell claiming authorship & listing his fellow conspirators.
Outstanding! You had this old tanker laughing his butt off but I’ve got a couple extensions:
2. Infantry S4s think a 1/4T trailer full of 5 gal cans of fuel is more than anybody needs.
9. True but a coffee pot on an M48 or M60 exhaust manifold boils in 3 minutes (don’t know about an M1).
12. Driving up a V-shaped draw on a sub-zero January morning is another guaranteed way to throw a track.
21. Always be nice to FACs, Warthog pilots and others who might look down on you from 10,000′.
24. A man in the open at night knows when he hears an approaching tank that the main gun is not the tank’s primary weapon.
About to reply on your web site when I found I already had … almost a year ago. 🙎